聪明的女人会装傻

那天，和一位认识多年的朋友吃饭，我们可以说是一起在教会长大，她比我大四岁，我们都把她看作姐姐。虽然他时常blur blur 的，常说些out of point的笑话，让我们啼笑皆非，但她对我的关心，我是知道的。

我对他说了我和kt只见所发生的一切，她听了后，对我说一句让我恍然大悟的话：“你是个很聪明的女孩子，可是有时候，要装装傻。你太独立，男人就会把你take for granted”。

哇！傻大姐不鸣则已，一鸣惊人！

我想是我好胜的个性，身为家里的老大，I've been trained to solve my own problems.

Mum's Chinese-educated, & Dad's long working hours meant that I was tasked not only to solve my own issues, but also that of my siblings when it comes to the less important stuff.

Will my independent character become the downfall of my relationship? While I complain about a passive partner, could his passiveness be the result of my own doing? At heart, I am caught between being a girl who wants to be pampered and taken care of, and a rash problem-solver who has little patience for those who lack situational awareness & responsiveness. The choleric in me sees a problem & naturally reacts to solve it, but then the princess in me feels that I'm doing too much. I can't stop myself from coming up with solutions, yet this constant taking charge is draining my spirit. Oh the struggle's such a bitch!!

I dread the thought of feeling soft-hearted & mushy, I feel thrown in the merry-go-round of problem-discussion-adjustments of expectations-improvement-hope-deterioration-discussion (repeat). Is this the essence of a relationship? When people say the crunch always comes when you are trying to adjust to each other... what gives the motivation? Love? Passion? I used to believe a lot in passion, but not so much now, it is fleeting, intangible and somewhat unreliable. So what then? Faith? And the source of the faith? The ten-year series answer screams instinctively, but of course knowing the answer is only part 1... it's always the "application" that is the challenge.

Why are we created with a void called loneliness? When being with someone can be just as tormenting?

真是哭笑不得。。。